• On Insight
  • Think Piece

suchmeagerinsight

~ Sometimes I can be insightful. Let's hope these are those times.

suchmeagerinsight

Tag Archives: third grade

Confessions of a First Year Teacher

07 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by suchmeagerinsight in Education, Perseverance

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

classroom management, education, failure, fear, first year teacher, teaching, third grade

I know that teachers are supposed to start their blogs in August and September, not March. In my school district, we are nearing the end of our third quarter. I did want to start a teacher blog. I’d hoped to write about the funny and endearing things my students did. I wanted to share my creative lesson plans and activities. I intended to posit thoughtful gems about human nature and education in general. But none of that happened.

What did happen?

Life fish-slapped me upside the head.

The only things I anticipated about teaching were classroom management difficulties and the long hours of lesson planning and grading. I knew about them ahead of time, so did I prepare for them ahead of time? Not so much.

For one thing, my philosophy of student-centered discipline does not fit into my school’s teacher/reward-driven discipline policy. Therefore, I wasn’t sure exactly how to start the school year. How do I relay my expectations to students who expect a treat or sticker for every action? I didn’t know, so I barely tried. This mistake has had me and my students experiencing excessive frustrations all year.

Secondly, lesson planning and grading, well, it takes practice is all I can say. More than I’ve had, apparently.

But you know what really got me? The one thing I never considered a possibility?

A daily feeling of failure.

I am terrified of failure. Therefore, I cannot help but set high expectations for myself. I rarely meet my personal expectations in a given day. However, I’ve only ever been fully responsible for my personal expectations. Now, I must meet the expectations of 22 third graders. I have to meet their needs. I have to make them feel loved, accepted, and worthy. And I must do this five days a week. It is an impossible task. In my heart of hearts, I know that it is impossible, and I know that if I expect to be everything to every student then failure is my only possible outcome. But what will my life become if I fail? I cannot allow it.

So, back in August when I started teaching, I wanted to blog about my teaching, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I had no desire to write about my fears and failures. Today, I am writing the blog only because fear is my last driving force. In one month, my students will take their first standardized, high-stakes test. Failure is not an option. I have to support them because I refuse to be the reason one of them fails. My students do not deserve a teacher who fails, and my students do not deserve to fail.

Rate this:

Share this:

  • Email
  • Pinterest
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Like this:

Like Loading...

Insights and Ramblings

2012 abortion adventure anvil appearances beautiful things beginning beginnings Bible camp Camp Fire USA change changes choices college life control crazy drama education ending endings expectations experience fall fear God government grammar greetings growing growing up head injury Heavenly Father helmet Holocaust Holy Spirit humility James Jesus job joy learning life love memories Nazi Neal Shusterman newbie new car out of control pain perseverance prayer premonitions pride problems relationships rest roller skate sacrifice satan sin spiritual attacks student teaching summer summer camp summer job Sunday surprise teaching time trust Unwind work worry

Monthly Musings

  • October 2015 (1)
  • July 2014 (1)
  • June 2014 (1)
  • May 2014 (1)
  • April 2014 (2)
  • March 2014 (1)
  • December 2012 (1)
  • November 2012 (2)
  • September 2012 (1)
  • August 2012 (2)
  • May 2012 (5)
  • April 2012 (3)
  • September 2011 (1)
  • August 2011 (8)
  • July 2011 (7)
  • June 2011 (2)
  • May 2011 (3)
  • April 2011 (4)

Blog at WordPress.com.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
%d bloggers like this: